Two plus Two is 'Not' Four

One fine day I realized I wanted to be an engineer (God knows who plants such lame ideas into my brain). So somehow I managed to get into an engineering college which guarantees 95% placement. The first and the only way I decorated my room was mounting the brochure page on the wall and highlighted the line in yellow saying ” 95% placement guaranteed”. It looked something like this to me:

I always thought it is a “dude” thing to quit studies in college and pay more attention on volatile things like games and not to mention girls. But by the end of third year I realized the joke on engineers is true that if given a choice they would choose the talking frog to the beautiful princess, anyway who actually gets a talking frog every day?

In order to follow my own rules I quit studying resulting me into a highly depressed state during exams, but coming back to my room always consoled me, as having just a look to the words written under yellow color on the page mounted on my wall restored my blue color into flying colors.

I cannot put the whole blame on me; you see my teachers were really confident of me, generally after a project viva I used to withdraw from the teacher’s cubicle with an ear to ear smile on my face. I had some rules which I always followed One – Copy the project from the internet , Two – The project has to be on a technology which your evaluator doesn’t know (as far as my knowledge was concerned I never knew anything so I had to trust the evaluator's brain) Three- Answer the evaluator’s question with a grave expression as if you are the “Godfather” of the technology used, Four - Learn some words of the technology and use them in your answers now and then always keeping in mind “The teacher does not know ANYTHING” . This worked every time and BINGO! I always got an A grade in my project. But surely this was not going to help me a bit to get a 'Job'. Written rounds have many mathematical questions to find the 'x', you ask me and I say:

However, I used to build my own castles, I always thought I was league apart from my college crowd, no sooner I realized I was right because I came under those 5% students for whom college did not guaranteed an on campus placement.

The time for placement came; I never even got a chance to trick the interviewers like I used to trick my college teachers, because I never even got through written. So I was rejected by the first company, dejected I came to my room, saw the brochure page, got cheered up again and hosted the Counter Strike (CS) / Need for Speed (NFS) server. The more I got rejected from the companies the more CS servers / NFS Servers I hosted. My roommate would say, I took games very seriously!

Burning Tires on NFS with some Safety !

And one day I could not even get into the last company, that was the first time I did not host the CS server instead I tore the page mounted on the wall yelled at my college, its promises, faculties, even the food, cafeteria and everything college owned (though I had no idea what college food had to do with my placement). Miserable, I called up my mom, to my horrors she convinced me by saying “Don’t worry beta, your father is waiting for you and you are always welcome to join his business”. Let me tell you my life’s another big sad secret, my father is in scrap business, my friends have already renamed me as “Kabadi Wala”. In fact one day one of my junior who hardly knew me asked me “Are you Kabadi sir? Can I lend your last semester’s books?” Those “Golden words” of my mothers and the thought of being a “Live Kabadi Wala” my entire life stole my good night sleep.

The feeling I got in Written Test ! Horrifying !

It was three in the morning I got up and knocked up a door in my hostel, though I had vowed not to enter that room my entire duration of college but my present circumstances automatically led me to its way. It was the room of my college topper. I managed to bribe him to teach me to clear some of the off campus written exams.

 The best trick to clear any exam ! Try it at your own risk !

One fine day I cleared the written and technical interview thanking Bhagwan Ji and the Topper (Let me tell you he was my best buddy then). So it was time to face the interview, everything was ready, was ready to nail it!

All set for HR Round !

Now it was time of HR interview even the topper could not help me in this. We were called in a group of three. The interviewer doesn’t seem to be a happy person at all, he would be in his late forties, with a triangular face, hair neatly done backwards, black expression on his face and eyes fixed on us. With a Mona Lisa smile and a heavy voice he welcomed us. I didn't express it but I was quite like:

From that moment I knew he was not a piece of cake and this is no arm wrestling, my choice of words and language could make me or break me. He asked some usual questions like “Tell me about you. Where do you see yourself five years from now? Why do you think you are appropriate for the job? Each of us was well rehearsed and neatly did homework from the internet. Then Suddenly out of nowhere he shot a question “What is before you?” First candidate, big guy swollen face and dreamy eyes quickly said “A pen stand” , the second candidate, a nerd wearing an artificial seriousness on his face put a gentle smile and said “You are before me sir”. I was so already feeling low on oxygen and this abrupt question made me immune to gravitational pull of earth. My brain was calculating all combinations of possible answers.

Overclocking my Brain for HR Round

With sweat droplets on my face, in a broken voice, sounding more like a ten year old girl I answered “Sir, its T that comes before U”. Whooooo! I hit a jackpot; the little smile on his face regained my confidence, Man! I was always good at alphabets; I always knew I have it in me. His second question sounded like a lollipop to me, no sooner I realized it was a meteor, he asked “What is two plus two?”. I LOL’ed inside my heart on the question, according to me even kindergartens know the answer. The first interviewee had similar thinking like mine and answered “four” with a proud expression on his face ( As if he is only one left on the planet with that answer) I quickly scanned the interviewers expression, he seemed a straight faced smiley to me. The second person quickly answered “Twenty Two” now the interviewer had a somewhat convinced expression. Now it was my turn , I had no time to think, I knew the answer couldn’t be “Four” and I cannot say “Twenty Two” , that would be a face to face cheating I guess. Suddenly my inherited business instincts woke up, I stooped a bit on his table, kept a low voice and asked him “How much do you want it to be?”

Voila! I got the job.

 

Cracking the Interview, using my sharp mind and fiery tongue !